> initiating_MCATv1.exe
Find out if you're retarded or just losing it before everyone else notices.
// COGNITIVE MODULES
A comprehensive battery of tests designed to measure your brain's performance across multiple domains.
How fast can your neurons fire? Test your reflexes and see if you're still quick on the draw or if grandma could beat you.
Remember sequences, patterns, and numbers. Find out if your RAM is still running strong or needs an upgrade.
Spot the sequence, find the outlier, predict what comes next. Or just stare at shapes wondering what's happening.
Logic puzzles and reasoning challenges. Measure your ability to think critically without just Googling the answer.
Words, words, words. How many can you recall? How fast can you categorize? Time to flex that vocabulary muscle.
How long can you concentrate before your brain wanders off to think about lunch? Let's find out together.
// THE PROCESS
Three simple steps to discover the truth about your cognitive state.
Complete a series of scientifically-designed cognitive challenges. Each exercise targets a specific brain function. Don't worry, you can't study for this – that's kind of the point.
Receive detailed results across all cognitive domains. See how you stack up against baseline metrics and your past performance. Prepare for potential ego damage.
Monitor your cognitive performance over weeks, months, or years. Catch any decline early – or celebrate your brain's surprising resilience against time.
This test may reveal uncomfortable truths about your mental sharpness. Results could range from "Einstein-level genius" to "maybe lay off the screen time."
Side effects may include: sudden urge to do crossword puzzles, reconsidering life choices, or aggressively Googling "how to improve brain function."
* MCAT is for self-monitoring purposes only. Not a substitute for professional medical evaluation. If you're genuinely concerned about cognitive decline, please consult an actual doctor who went to actual medical school and lay off the fucking drugs.
Take the Murphy Cognitive Aptitude Test and discover where your brain really stands.
START THE MCAT NOW